Thursday, May 27, 2010
Looking for Blog Contributors
Hey everyone, The Modesty Movement is currently looking for blog contributors. If you have a passion for modest fashion (no matter your religion), and would like to be an active part of making modesty mainstream. Please contact me and let me know. I am looking for both writers and photographers. For the photographers I am looking to create a section call Modest Diva on the Streets, where we take photos of modest fashionista on the streets doing their day to day activities, and what modesty means to them. If you are interested in writing for The Modesty Movement, please email me at themodestymovement@gmail.com!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Why One Woman Shed Bikini For Niqab
Former Actress Sara Bokker
Naturally, I did what most average Western girls do. I focused on my appearance and appeal, basing my self-worth on how much attention I got from others. I worked out religiously and became a personal trainer, acquired an upscale waterfront residence, became a regular “exhibiting” beach-goer and was able to attain a “living-in-style” kind of life.
Years went by, only to realize that my scale of self-fulfillment and happiness slid down the more I progressed in my “feminine appeal.” I was a slave to fashion. I was a hostage to my looks.
As the gap continued to progressively widen between my self-fulfillment and lifestyle, I sought refuge in escapes from alcohol and parties to meditation, activism, and alternative religions, only to have the little gap widen to what seemed like a valley. I eventually realized it all was merely a pain killer rather than an effective remedy.
By now it was Sept. 11, 2001. As I witnessed the ensuing barrage on Islam, Islamic values and culture, and the infamous declaration of the “new crusade,” I started to notice something called Islam. Up until that point, all I had associated with Islam was women covered in “tents,” wife beaters, harems, and a world of terrorism. As a feminist libertarian, and an activist, I was pursuing a better world for all.
One day I came across a book that is negatively stereotyped in the West – The Noble Qur’an. I was first attracted by the style and approach of the Qur’an, and then intrigued by its outlook on existence, life, creation, and the relationship between Creator and creation. I found the Qur’an to be a very insightful address to heart and soul without the need for an interpreter or pastor.
Eventually I hit a moment of truth: my new-found self-fulfilling activism was nothing more than merely embracing a faith called Islam where I could live in peace as a “functional” Muslim.
I bought a beautiful long gown and head cover resembling the Muslim woman’s dress code and I walked down the same streets and neighborhoods where only days earlier I had walked in my shorts, bikini, or “elegant” Western business attire.
Although the people, the faces, and the shops were all the same, one thing was remarkably distinct – I was not – nor was the peace at being a woman I experienced for the very first time. I felt as if the chains had been broken and I was finally free. I was delighted with the new looks of wonder on people’s faces in place of the looks of a hunter watching his prey I had once sought. Suddenly a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally, I was free.
Of all places, I found my Islam at the heart of what some call “the most scandalous place on earth,” which makes it all the more dear and special..
While content with Hijab I became curious about Niqab, seeing an increasing number of Muslim women in it. I asked my Muslim husband, whom I married after I reverted to Islam, whether I should wear Niqab or just settle for the Hijab I was already wearing. My husband simply advised me that he believes Hijab is mandatory in Islam while Niqab is not. At the time, my Hijab consisted of head scarf that covered all my hair except for my face, and a loose long black gown called “Abaya” that covered all my body from neck to toe.
A year-and-a-half passed, and I told my husband I wanted to wear Niqab.. My reason, this time, was that I felt it would be more pleasing to Allah, the Creator, increasing my feeling of peace at being more modest.
He supported my decision and took me to buy an “Isdaal,” a loose black gown that covers from head to toe, and Niqab, which covers all my head and face except for my eyes. Soon enough, news started breaking about politicians, Vatican clergymen, libertarians, and so-called human rights and freedom activists condemning Hijab at times, and Niqab at others as being oppressive to women, an obstacle to social integration, and more recently, as an Egyptian official called it – “a sign of backwardness. “
I find it to be a blatant hypocrisy when Western governments and so-called human rights groups rush to defend woman’s rights when some governments impose a certain dress code on women, yet such “freedom fighters” look the other way when women are being deprived of their rights, work, and education just because they choose to exercise their right to wear Niqab or Hijab..
Today I am still a feminist, but a Muslim feminist, who calls on Muslim women to assume their responsibilities in providing all the support they can for their husbands to be good Muslims. To raise their children as upright Muslims so they may be beacons of light for all humanity once again. To enjoin good – any good – and to forbid evil – any evil. To speak righteousness and to speak up against all ills. To fight for our right to wear Niqab or Hijab and to please our Creator whichever way we chose. But just as importantly to carry our experience with Niqab or Hijab to fellow women who may never have had such a chance.
Most of the women I know wearing Niqab are Western reverts, some of whom are not even married. Others wear Niqab without full support of either family or surroundings. What we all have in common is that it is the personal choice of each and every one of us, which none of us is willing to surrender.
Willingly or unwillingly, women are bombarded with styles of “dressing-in- little-to- nothing” virtually in every means of communication everywhere in the world.
As an ex non-Muslim, I insist on women’s right to equally know about Hijab, its virtues, and the peace and happiness it brings to a woman’s life as it did to mine. Yesterday, the bikini was the symbol of my liberty, when in actuality it only liberated me from my spirituality and true value as a respectable human being.
Today, Niqab is the new symbol of woman’s liberation.
To women who surrender to the ugly stereotype against the Islamic modesty of Hijab, I say: You don’t know what you are missing.
I AM an American woman who was born in the midst of America’s “Heartland.” I grew up, just like any other girl, being fixated with the glamour of life in “the big city.” Eventually, I moved to Florida and on toSouth Beach of Miami, a hotspot for those seeking the “glamorous life.”
Naturally, I did what most average Western girls do. I focused on my appearance and appeal, basing my self-worth on how much attention I got from others. I worked out religiously and became a personal trainer, acquired an upscale waterfront residence, became a regular “exhibiting” beach-goer and was able to attain a “living-in-style” kind of life.
Years went by, only to realize that my scale of self-fulfillment and happiness slid down the more I progressed in my “feminine appeal.” I was a slave to fashion. I was a hostage to my looks.
As the gap continued to progressively widen between my self-fulfillment and lifestyle, I sought refuge in escapes from alcohol and parties to meditation, activism, and alternative religions, only to have the little gap widen to what seemed like a valley. I eventually realized it all was merely a pain killer rather than an effective remedy.
By now it was Sept. 11, 2001. As I witnessed the ensuing barrage on Islam, Islamic values and culture, and the infamous declaration of the “new crusade,” I started to notice something called Islam. Up until that point, all I had associated with Islam was women covered in “tents,” wife beaters, harems, and a world of terrorism. As a feminist libertarian, and an activist, I was pursuing a better world for all.
One day I came across a book that is negatively stereotyped in the West – The Noble Qur’an. I was first attracted by the style and approach of the Qur’an, and then intrigued by its outlook on existence, life, creation, and the relationship between Creator and creation. I found the Qur’an to be a very insightful address to heart and soul without the need for an interpreter or pastor.
Eventually I hit a moment of truth: my new-found self-fulfilling activism was nothing more than merely embracing a faith called Islam where I could live in peace as a “functional” Muslim.
I bought a beautiful long gown and head cover resembling the Muslim woman’s dress code and I walked down the same streets and neighborhoods where only days earlier I had walked in my shorts, bikini, or “elegant” Western business attire.
Although the people, the faces, and the shops were all the same, one thing was remarkably distinct – I was not – nor was the peace at being a woman I experienced for the very first time. I felt as if the chains had been broken and I was finally free. I was delighted with the new looks of wonder on people’s faces in place of the looks of a hunter watching his prey I had once sought. Suddenly a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally, I was free.
Of all places, I found my Islam at the heart of what some call “the most scandalous place on earth,” which makes it all the more dear and special..
While content with Hijab I became curious about Niqab, seeing an increasing number of Muslim women in it. I asked my Muslim husband, whom I married after I reverted to Islam, whether I should wear Niqab or just settle for the Hijab I was already wearing. My husband simply advised me that he believes Hijab is mandatory in Islam while Niqab is not. At the time, my Hijab consisted of head scarf that covered all my hair except for my face, and a loose long black gown called “Abaya” that covered all my body from neck to toe.
A year-and-a-half passed, and I told my husband I wanted to wear Niqab.. My reason, this time, was that I felt it would be more pleasing to Allah, the Creator, increasing my feeling of peace at being more modest.
He supported my decision and took me to buy an “Isdaal,” a loose black gown that covers from head to toe, and Niqab, which covers all my head and face except for my eyes. Soon enough, news started breaking about politicians, Vatican clergymen, libertarians, and so-called human rights and freedom activists condemning Hijab at times, and Niqab at others as being oppressive to women, an obstacle to social integration, and more recently, as an Egyptian official called it – “a sign of backwardness. “
I find it to be a blatant hypocrisy when Western governments and so-called human rights groups rush to defend woman’s rights when some governments impose a certain dress code on women, yet such “freedom fighters” look the other way when women are being deprived of their rights, work, and education just because they choose to exercise their right to wear Niqab or Hijab..
Today I am still a feminist, but a Muslim feminist, who calls on Muslim women to assume their responsibilities in providing all the support they can for their husbands to be good Muslims. To raise their children as upright Muslims so they may be beacons of light for all humanity once again. To enjoin good – any good – and to forbid evil – any evil. To speak righteousness and to speak up against all ills. To fight for our right to wear Niqab or Hijab and to please our Creator whichever way we chose. But just as importantly to carry our experience with Niqab or Hijab to fellow women who may never have had such a chance.
Most of the women I know wearing Niqab are Western reverts, some of whom are not even married. Others wear Niqab without full support of either family or surroundings. What we all have in common is that it is the personal choice of each and every one of us, which none of us is willing to surrender.
Willingly or unwillingly, women are bombarded with styles of “dressing-in- little-to- nothing” virtually in every means of communication everywhere in the world.
As an ex non-Muslim, I insist on women’s right to equally know about Hijab, its virtues, and the peace and happiness it brings to a woman’s life as it did to mine. Yesterday, the bikini was the symbol of my liberty, when in actuality it only liberated me from my spirituality and true value as a respectable human being.
Today, Niqab is the new symbol of woman’s liberation.
To women who surrender to the ugly stereotype against the Islamic modesty of Hijab, I say: You don’t know what you are missing.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Anything Special Left To See
Recently my husband and I got into a argument about my past life and how I used to party. He started asking some very personal questions about men I used to date, and if I had had sex with them or not. I admit that I was NOT at all comfortable divulging this kind of information. I had worked so hard to get over the regrets of my sexual past, and did not want to revisit these issues with my husband,and had always felt that one should never kiss and tell (it just makes it easier this way). But he kept pressing and pressing for more information and more details, and it was at that moment that I realized that your sexual past can have a lasting impact on your future marriage in a profound way.
Perhaps I shouldn't share my stories, but if it can help someone then hopefully it won't be told in vain. I had always set out to be a virgin when I got married. I loved being a virgin, I felt so special, and growing up in a time when most of my friends were sexually active, it was nice to know that Iwas pure and innocent. Call it nievity if you want, but by the time I was 16 I had succumb to the "I need a boyfriend" virus. I just wanted some male attention. My Dad had abandon my mom, brother, and I when I was 7 or 8 years old, and I never had that Daddy's Little Girl treatment. I believe that this was a contributing factor for me wanting male attention. When I go back and read my diaries from Jr. High and Highschool, the same theme played over and over....I need to be loved, I need to feel loved, I want to be loved. I mean up until that point in my life, no one had ever said I was pretty, or worthy of any love, and it seemed as if my friends were always getting flowers, love notes, and affections, and I just wanted a little bit of that. That meant I need a boyfriend.
Looking back, I realize how stupid I was, I mean I fell for all the classic "let me get you to drop your pants" lines. My first boyfriend, was older than me, and he basicly told me that he loved me and all, but that there were other girls that he could be having sex with, if I didn't. Well one year, lots of drama, and a positve pregnacy test, I no longer had a my virginity, or a boyfriend. I was beyond devastated. Just how could a church going, God loving, youth group active, young lady end up in a situation like this. Even to this day I ask myself why didn't I just say no. For the longest time I hated myself, just pure disgust, what man would ever want me now?
By the time I was 20, I realized that for most people, sex was a recreational sport. So I just joined in the game. Every time, I felt so disgusted with myself, and realized that I had just been used.....again. No matter how fun and exciting it feels in the beginning, as a woman, you soon realize that you are always at the losing end of the stick. You always find out right after sex that you and the guy aren't compatible, he has a girlfreind, he's married, or he was just out for the sex, and you let him have it. I lost a little bit of my heart, soul, and humanity. I actually got to a point where I was asking myself am I capable of really loving someone like the first time. Sometimes I still wonder if I can love like that, judge me if you want to, but it's the truth.
How many times have I wished that I was a virgin when I got married, or that I would have cared enough about myself to not buy into the whole free love, game. My husband admitted to me that if he had known from the beginning my sexual past, that he probably would not have married me, because he never wanted to be with a woman that was so used ( as harsh as this may sound, most men still feel that way, even though they may act differently). He felt, and still feels that a woman should try to protect herself a little more than a man. He told me that after all the women that he had gotten to sleep with so easily, that he wated to be with a woman that actually made him wait, so that atleast we would know he had done something to earn her affections. I cried so hard when he told me that, not so much for the fact that he said the truth for him, but that it confirmed in my mind what I had felt all those years, and that is that I was "used goods". In that moment I had to face the truth of how I felt all those years, and that is unworthy.
In all honesty, I'm glad that we had that conversation, because I was able to forgive myself, and my husband and I were able to move forward, because I was no longer witholding anything from him. However I wonder how many women feel the way I did.
I look at show like The Bad Girls Club and see these girls that are very promiscuous, and think are they REALLY happy? I mean at the end of the day, when they had a threesome, or gave a BJ to some guy they barley know, or had sex with a guy after 2 days of knowing him do they really feel good about themselves? I see it all the time, it's completly normal for a woman to give her body up to a man within a few days. How do they feel after the 5th guy dumps, them, number 6 just wasn't right, number 10 was becasue she was drunk or high, number 15 was married?
It seems everywhere I look nowadays, young girls and women, have just decided to be like the men. Well if a man can sleep with 50 girls, how come I can't. Threesomes are normal, and younger and younger teens are imitating their favorite celebs, which happen to be teens that act older, behave in a more sensual ways,and dress sexier than they really should for their age. My friend's son just went to his 8th grade formal dance last week, and reported to his mom how all the girls were grinding and humping each other on the dance floor. Looks like future Girls Gone Wild participants are getting an early start. It really broke my heart to hear that.
All this makes me wonder what percentage of women have anythng special for their husbands to see, that 5,10,15, 25 men haven't already seen. How many lay in bed regretting, not feeling worthy, heart freezing over, when they realize that they have been used for sex. How many are in denial thinking that women can have just as much sex, and sexual partners and still be looked at the same? Some must learn from experience, I just wish experience wasn't the best teacher. Wisdom should be the greates teacher. we should seek out and listen to those who have walked before us, so that our trip down life's road can be a little bit easier.
Perhaps I shouldn't share my stories, but if it can help someone then hopefully it won't be told in vain. I had always set out to be a virgin when I got married. I loved being a virgin, I felt so special, and growing up in a time when most of my friends were sexually active, it was nice to know that Iwas pure and innocent. Call it nievity if you want, but by the time I was 16 I had succumb to the "I need a boyfriend" virus. I just wanted some male attention. My Dad had abandon my mom, brother, and I when I was 7 or 8 years old, and I never had that Daddy's Little Girl treatment. I believe that this was a contributing factor for me wanting male attention. When I go back and read my diaries from Jr. High and Highschool, the same theme played over and over....I need to be loved, I need to feel loved, I want to be loved. I mean up until that point in my life, no one had ever said I was pretty, or worthy of any love, and it seemed as if my friends were always getting flowers, love notes, and affections, and I just wanted a little bit of that. That meant I need a boyfriend.
Looking back, I realize how stupid I was, I mean I fell for all the classic "let me get you to drop your pants" lines. My first boyfriend, was older than me, and he basicly told me that he loved me and all, but that there were other girls that he could be having sex with, if I didn't. Well one year, lots of drama, and a positve pregnacy test, I no longer had a my virginity, or a boyfriend. I was beyond devastated. Just how could a church going, God loving, youth group active, young lady end up in a situation like this. Even to this day I ask myself why didn't I just say no. For the longest time I hated myself, just pure disgust, what man would ever want me now?
By the time I was 20, I realized that for most people, sex was a recreational sport. So I just joined in the game. Every time, I felt so disgusted with myself, and realized that I had just been used.....again. No matter how fun and exciting it feels in the beginning, as a woman, you soon realize that you are always at the losing end of the stick. You always find out right after sex that you and the guy aren't compatible, he has a girlfreind, he's married, or he was just out for the sex, and you let him have it. I lost a little bit of my heart, soul, and humanity. I actually got to a point where I was asking myself am I capable of really loving someone like the first time. Sometimes I still wonder if I can love like that, judge me if you want to, but it's the truth.
How many times have I wished that I was a virgin when I got married, or that I would have cared enough about myself to not buy into the whole free love, game. My husband admitted to me that if he had known from the beginning my sexual past, that he probably would not have married me, because he never wanted to be with a woman that was so used ( as harsh as this may sound, most men still feel that way, even though they may act differently). He felt, and still feels that a woman should try to protect herself a little more than a man. He told me that after all the women that he had gotten to sleep with so easily, that he wated to be with a woman that actually made him wait, so that atleast we would know he had done something to earn her affections. I cried so hard when he told me that, not so much for the fact that he said the truth for him, but that it confirmed in my mind what I had felt all those years, and that is that I was "used goods". In that moment I had to face the truth of how I felt all those years, and that is unworthy.
In all honesty, I'm glad that we had that conversation, because I was able to forgive myself, and my husband and I were able to move forward, because I was no longer witholding anything from him. However I wonder how many women feel the way I did.
I look at show like The Bad Girls Club and see these girls that are very promiscuous, and think are they REALLY happy? I mean at the end of the day, when they had a threesome, or gave a BJ to some guy they barley know, or had sex with a guy after 2 days of knowing him do they really feel good about themselves? I see it all the time, it's completly normal for a woman to give her body up to a man within a few days. How do they feel after the 5th guy dumps, them, number 6 just wasn't right, number 10 was becasue she was drunk or high, number 15 was married?
It seems everywhere I look nowadays, young girls and women, have just decided to be like the men. Well if a man can sleep with 50 girls, how come I can't. Threesomes are normal, and younger and younger teens are imitating their favorite celebs, which happen to be teens that act older, behave in a more sensual ways,and dress sexier than they really should for their age. My friend's son just went to his 8th grade formal dance last week, and reported to his mom how all the girls were grinding and humping each other on the dance floor. Looks like future Girls Gone Wild participants are getting an early start. It really broke my heart to hear that.
All this makes me wonder what percentage of women have anythng special for their husbands to see, that 5,10,15, 25 men haven't already seen. How many lay in bed regretting, not feeling worthy, heart freezing over, when they realize that they have been used for sex. How many are in denial thinking that women can have just as much sex, and sexual partners and still be looked at the same? Some must learn from experience, I just wish experience wasn't the best teacher. Wisdom should be the greates teacher. we should seek out and listen to those who have walked before us, so that our trip down life's road can be a little bit easier.
Friday, May 21, 2010
FUNKY ACCESSORIES
What;s a great outfit without great accessories??!!! DO yourselves a SERIOUS favor and visit http://www.funkyaccessories.com/, where you will find the largest selection of accessories ever. They are based in the UK, but they ship to the US, and they have a currency changer button you can click, to turn the british pound into american dollars. For my muslimas, they also have very beautiful scarf selection. This is high on my list of favs!!!!!
Afrocentric Modesty
If you are looking for a great shopping site, to tap into you afrocentric side, Ashro has it all. From skirts, caftans, palazzo pants, to Sunday-going-to church suits. You will find what your looking for, regardless of your race, ethnicity, or religion. They just have great clothes and the prices are decent, and they are always having great sales, so check them out!! 
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
New Shopping Site Alert!!!!!!
These dress from William Riera are just TOO classy. Love them, will be ordering atleast 1 next week, God willing. Check it out!! The link is on the right under Great Shopping Sites
The Lost Art of Being A Lady
Now days, the definition of what's feminine or not is so broad. I think the art of femininity is a lost art,a s too many women try to or have to assume masculine roles, they weren't really created to have to fill. I want to know what your definitions of femininity are for 2010? Would love your feed back, so please comment. In the mean time enjoy these videos.
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