Man Problems

Ok, I am writing this post to vent. I am thoroughly disturb by the number of women going through mind blowing circumstances with men. Instinctively when we hear of these relationship horror stories we want to blame men, and jump on the " All men are dogs" band wagon, but this simply is not true. Not saying that men are perfect, and some how have no issues of their own to deal with, but it is high time us women start taking responsibility for the way that we are treated. There are good men, and great men even, looking for good women to wife up. Number 1 : Ladies get some standards and stick to them, Number 2: Keep your legs closed, there is just no way he's going to respect you and take you seriously if you are easy. In the words of Miss More Roses from Black Women Who Want More group, being Easy is EASY, try doing what's hard for a change.  Believe it or not, a man who loves you will wait for sex PERIOD. Keeping you legs closed is the BEST way to weed out the pretenders from the contenders for your heart. Try connecting with a man's heart, mind, and soul, instead of his penis right off the bat. Try attracting a man with your awesome personality and sense of humor, instead of your breasts and thighs. Now in today's society that's HARD. Again STOP BEING EASY!!!

 Stop over functioning and doing TOO much too soon, for someone you barely know. Love on yourself, and get your own self-esteem up before trying to go after a man, then looking to him to validate your own existence and SPECIAL-ness. Please don't chase men, if a man wants you he will hunt you down and pursue you. Even the animal kingdom demonstrates this, the male species always has to fight, dance, or flutter around in order to win mating rites with the female species. I really want to see my sisters in humanity reclaim their sacred sexuality and femininity.

If you need some help getting started on the road less traveled, and being considered a goddess instead getting treated like crap then finding yourself with the same jerk in a different shirt, I am going to recommend some required reading. Of course you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You make the choice, what's it going to be. For myself, I'm choosing goddess status.

The Following books will enlighten you and get your mind straight, if you don't learn from this, then sadly, you will never learn, and you may just find yourself, a heart broken 50-60 year old women, bitter and worn out from destructive relationships. These books helped change my entire life!!

1.  Choosing Me Before We  You can get this for like $10 on Amazon
2.  Why Men Love Bitches
3. Why Men Marry Bitches
4. Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl
5. I Kissed Dating Goodbye

New Year, New You

Happy New Calendar Year too you!! This year is going to be wonderful and The Modesty Movement will be here dedicating our time to help you be the best you can be in 2012. This year we are going to deal with relationships, how to be more feminine, and reach goals. G-d willing you will be able to make the most of your time and be the best you ever.

The Modesty Movement is also happy to announce our radio show that will be broadcast live on Blog Talk Radio THIS SATURDAY @ January 21st @ 7:30pm. Our Topic will be Modesty, Femininity, & The Modern Woman. Please join us. You will also be able to call in to share your thoughts and opinion.

Happy Mother's Day

I just want to take some time out to say Happy Mother's Day to all my readers and supporters who frequent the The Modesty Movement. To raise a child is a challenge, and must be done with prayer and determination. I hope you all enjoy your day by doing whatever it is you want to do, and I think for most of us that would be NOTHING!!!!

Love Your Self Girl

Being a Self-Assured Teenage Girl



An article from teengrowth.com


Adolescence can be a challenging time for young women. Your reactions to the physical and emotional changes occurring during puberty often depend on how you feel about yourself. If you have a strong self-esteem, you’re less likely to engage in socially unacceptable behaviors. While everyone makes mistakes, if you’re self-confident you will learn from those mistakes and adapt your behavior, rather than repeating the same mistake again.

Despite an emphasis on equality, boys and girls in modern culture still tend to handle self-esteem issues differently. When teenage boys in our society are faced with a period of low self esteem, they continue on with most of their normal activities: they still take that hard math class, try out for the football team and interact socially with their female counterparts. Young women, on the other hand, react differently when faced with this challenge. They often become indifferent, withdrawn, quiet and depressed.



Several large studies have shown girls aged 8 and 9 are confident, assertive and feel good about themselves. This is probably due to the more mature social interactions and skills that females have developed up to this time, especially when compared to their male contemporaries. Surprisingly, these same girls can emerge at the end of adolescence with a poor self-image, a narrowed view of their future, and less confidence about themselves and their abilities.



What controls the development of a healthy self-esteem in teen girls? According to one study, physical appearance was the most important factor. If they are not attractive (by someone else's standards), many girls feel worthless and helpless. Popular culture floods young girls with images of the ideal female figure, personality, and social skills – all of which are mostly inappropriate and unobtainable. The result is not surprising...in order to maintain this ideal of perfection, girls become obsessed with their physical appearance. The extreme reaction in some unfortunate girls is a dependence on diet pills and the development of eating disorders. Young women see movie stars or situation comedy characters as models on which to shape their social interactions. Unfortunately, the behaviors of these "role models" are often biased toward the disrespectful and promiscuous.



Another factor that can lower some teenage girls’ self esteem is the loss of community. We used to live in towns where everyone knew each other. Now 72 percent of Americans don't even know their neighbors. Other changes in our society, such as divorce, drugs, and alcohol, seem to have negatively affected teen girls even more than boys.



It is therefore easy to understand why many teenage girls are more concerned about impressing or pleasing others rather than themselves. If you’re a female and feel like you’re lacking self-esteem, here are a few suggestions:





Talk frequently with an adult you trust. Know that it’s OK to share your feelings, concerns or fears. Talking about things is one of the best ways to explore feelings.



Participate in sports. The physical activity and team support is as helpful for girls as it is for boys.



Volunteer your time for organizations you feel strongly about: for example, a local hospital, a local animal shelter, youth groups, charitable causes, etc.



Try your best to succeed, but don’t get down if you meet challenges along the way. It really is true that we learn more from our failures than our successes, so try to look at everything as a learning opportunity.



Interact with adults (parents, relatives, teachers) and feel confident about it – share in the conversations and maintain eye contact. Adults can often appreciate your strengths even more than your peers can.



Get a part-time job (if you’re old enough, it doesn’t interfere with your school activities and your parents approve). It can be a great way to add to your skills and sense of worth.

Anything Special Left To See

Recently my husband and I got into  a argument about my past life and how I used to party. He started asking some very personal questions about men I used to date, and if I had had sex with them or not. I admit that I was NOT at all comfortable divulging this kind of information. I had worked so hard to get over the regrets of my sexual past, and did not want to revisit these issues with my husband,and had always felt that one should never kiss and tell (it just makes it easier this way). But he kept pressing and pressing for more information and more details, and it was at that moment that I realized that your sexual past can have a lasting impact on your future marriage in a profound way.

Perhaps I shouldn't share my stories, but if it can help someone then hopefully it won't be told in vain. I had always set out to be a virgin when I got married. I loved being a virgin, I felt so special, and growing up in a time when most of my friends were sexually active, it was nice to know that  Iwas pure and innocent. Call it nievity if you want, but by the time I was 16 I had succumb to the "I need a boyfriend" virus. I just wanted some male attention. My Dad had abandon my mom, brother, and I when I was 7 or 8 years old, and I never had that Daddy's Little Girl treatment. I believe that this was a contributing factor for me wanting male attention. When I go back and read my diaries from Jr. High and Highschool, the same theme played over and over....I need to be loved, I need to feel loved, I want to be loved.  I mean up until that point in my life, no one had ever said I was  pretty, or worthy of any love, and it seemed as if my friends were always getting flowers, love notes, and affections, and I just wanted a little bit of that. That meant I need a boyfriend.

Looking back, I realize how stupid I was, I mean I fell for all the classic "let me get you to drop your pants" lines. My first boyfriend, was older than me, and he basicly told me that he loved me and all, but that there were other girls that he could be having sex with, if I didn't. Well one year, lots of drama, and a positve pregnacy test, I no longer had a my virginity, or a boyfriend. I was beyond devastated. Just how could a church going, God loving, youth group active, young lady end up in a situation like this. Even to this day I ask myself  why didn't  I just say no. For the longest time I hated myself, just pure disgust, what man would ever want me now?

By the time I was 20, I realized that for most people, sex was a recreational sport. So I just joined in the game. Every time, I felt so disgusted with myself, and realized that I had just been used.....again. No matter how fun and exciting it feels in the beginning, as a woman, you soon realize that you are always at the losing end of the stick. You always find out right after sex  that you and the guy aren't compatible, he has a girlfreind, he's married, or he was just out for the sex, and you let him have it. I lost a little bit of my heart, soul, and humanity. I actually got to a point where I was asking myself am I capable of really loving someone like the first time. Sometimes I still wonder if I can love like that, judge me if you want to, but it's the truth.

How many times have I wished that I was a virgin when I got married, or that I would have cared enough about myself to not buy into the whole free love, game. My husband admitted to me that if he had known from the beginning my sexual past, that he probably would not have married me, because he never wanted to be with a woman that was so used ( as harsh as this may sound, most men still feel that way, even though they may act differently). He felt, and still feels that a woman should try to protect herself a little more than a man. He told me that after all the women that he had gotten to sleep with so easily, that he wated to be with a woman that actually made him wait, so that atleast we would know he had done something  to earn her affections. I cried so hard when he told me that, not so much for the fact that he said the truth for him, but that it confirmed in my mind what I had felt all those years, and that is that I was "used goods".  In that moment I had to face the truth of how I felt all those years, and that is unworthy.

In all honesty, I'm glad that we had that conversation, because I was able to forgive myself, and my husband and I were able to move forward, because I was no longer witholding anything from him. However I wonder how many women feel the way I did.

I look at show like The Bad Girls Club and see these girls that are very promiscuous, and think are they REALLY happy? I mean at the end of the day, when they had a threesome, or gave a BJ to some guy they barley know, or had sex with a guy after 2 days of knowing him do they really feel good about themselves? I see it all the time, it's completly normal for  a woman to give her body up to a man within a few days. How do they feel after the 5th guy dumps, them, number 6 just wasn't right, number 10 was becasue she was drunk or high, number 15 was married?

It seems everywhere I look nowadays, young girls and women, have just decided to be like the men. Well if a man can sleep with 50 girls, how come I can't. Threesomes are normal, and younger and younger teens are imitating their favorite celebs, which happen to be teens that act older, behave in a more sensual ways,and dress sexier than they really should for their age. My friend's son just went to his 8th grade formal dance last week, and reported to his mom how all the girls were grinding and humping each other on the dance floor. Looks like future Girls Gone Wild participants are getting an early start. It really broke my heart to hear that.

All this makes me wonder what percentage of women have anythng special for their husbands to see, that 5,10,15, 25 men haven't already seen. How many lay in bed regretting, not feeling worthy, heart freezing over, when they realize that they have been used for sex. How many are in denial thinking that women can have just as much sex, and sexual partners and still be looked at the same? Some must learn from experience, I just wish experience wasn't the best teacher. Wisdom should be the greates teacher. we should seek out and listen to those who have walked before us, so that our trip down life's road can be a little bit easier.

To Be Free or To Be Sexy? That Is The Real Question

Why does it matter how I dress? Who cares anyways? Isn't how I dress is my business? These are all valid questions, and I sometimes get these questions as a  response when speaking with women of all ages about the topic of dressing modestly.

Actually it amazes me at the number of young women who look at me like I'm completely CRAZY, for suggesting that they not show their cleavage and cover up their legs so that they can reclaim their respect and the power of their sexuality. Somehow they can't make the connection that the style of clothing (or lack of clothing) they chose to wear  is sending a powerful message that they can be used for sexual conquest, or simply not taken seriously. They idolize women like Kim Kardashian (who's only claim to  fame is her sex video scandal), and Britney Spears, thinking that by dressing more seductivley they can perhaps have a piece of the fanatsy that men will desire them the same way those women, and many other female celebs are desired.

The truth of the matter, is that for a lot of  women the fantasy that they fufill through dressing seductivley is a double edged sword,because the reality of life is that a book is often judged for its cover, and if the old expression, "Dress for the position you want", is true, then many women have it totally twisted. Why would you dress in a way that adveritises how great you are in bed, when what you really want is a stable, healthy, relationship, with marriage in the horizion?

I believe that the free love, sexual revolution of the 60's has back fired, in one way or another, on many, dare I say most women. The sexual movement that was supposed to set us free from the prude ideas of yester year, and make us equal to men, have indeed enslaved us. How many women are emotionally enslaved, unable to trust and fully love, because they have given their gift of sex away to so many men that didn't really love them? How many teen girls are mothers and the guy they gave their"love" to is no where to be seen? How many of us are struggling from the guilt of leaving our kids in daycare or with the nanny, because we have to work, or having to make choices between the family or the job? Be sexy, must stay sexy, ok over 40 must get botox, it's ok to have a one night stand, if guys can do it, then we can do it mentality, where has it really gotten us? Are we really free? Or are we over worked, under appreciated, stressed out, used and abused, trying to be a superwoman, when we weren't created for that?

 We are at a crital point in history, or should I say herstory. When our daughters; little sisters, cousins and younger friends are  choosing anal sex as a way to "save" their virginity? When young teens think it's cute to be pregnant, and when women think it's ok to have multiple sex partners with no sort of commitment, because men do it all the time, I think there is a problem, don't you? I mean just the other day I read of a report about the new teen trend of "Sexting", and where a 13 year old girl hung herself (just a few weeks ago) due to the ridicule she recieved after a nude photo that she sent to a boy she liked ciruclated at her school and on the internet. She was 13 people!!!!! What will our legacy be to future generations of daughters?

I know that dressing modestly isn't going to save us from all the problems that we face as women, but I wish you all could have a taste of what it feels like to remove yourself from the over sexed energy our society  thrives on, just by covering up. I know it sounds so stupid, but it's so true. I discovered it for myself when I started dressing modestly, it's kind of like unplugging yourself from the matrix. Since I no longer openly display my sexuality with my clothing, when I go places now, dressed to impress of course, I get looks from men, but it's not the same, they are looks of intrigue and respect. I get doors opened for me , and hats tipped at me, I get comments of you are so beautiful, your energy just radiates, not hey baby, you lookin soooo fine today or wow you got a lot of junk in yo trunk type comments. Let it be said that I am a happily married woman, and not looking for attention at all, but these are just my observations, plain and simple. It's what I wanted all along. Yes we are free to work, vote, pursue our dreams, happiness, and all of those things, and I am as thankful as the next woman for the Women's Suffrage Movement, but don't you long to be treated like the lady of yesteryear. To be courted and wooed, to be romanced, and treasured? We have the power to have all that and more, but lowering our standards is not going to get us what we want.

The thing that I realized, is that God created us equal to men from the very beginning. God said that it was not good for Man to be alone. I think that is interesting that he didn't say it's not good for Woman to be alone. I think God created woman self sufficient and so equip, that  he knew that we could fair off better alone than men. They need us, we need each other, but they really need us. We as women are precious commodity, and when something is considered precious commodity, it is valued and will be worked hard for in order to obtain. I believe that if every woman realized this about themselves, they would make men work a little harder, because men value what they have to work hard for much more than what is given to them for free. When they work hard this is when we reclaim what we wanted all along .....respect and true sexual power!

Ok well that is my food for thought for the evening, hopefully the message resounds in the minds, hearts, and souls of  some of you reading this. I hope that each of you are blessed and enlighten. Have a great evening!

You Attract Who You Are

Life is this sometimes strange mirad of experiences and people who come and go. Sometimes in life we sit and wonder "Why does it seem as though I keep going through the same thing over and over again?". Being creatures of habit, we repeat the same behaviors that bring forth the exact same results, and attract the same type people into our lives.

I truly believe that every person comes into your life for a reason, and a seaon of time. Sometimes it is only for a very short period of time, but people come into our lives to teach us lessons about ourselves, so that we can reach the next level of concious exsistence. This could not be more true when it comes to our romantic and sexual relationships.

If you believe that there is an unseen spiritual realm, then you will understand that we attract kindred spirits. That on a subconcious level we attract people who have similar issues that we have.I used to be like many women, going out with friends to clubs, bars, concerts, and what not. Sometimes I was on the prowl to find a date, sometimes I was not even thinking of meeting anyone, but no matter what it always seemed like I would meet the same jerk in a different shirt. I used to always ask myself "Why?, Why!,Why?!,Why?!!!" I just couldn't understand. It wasn't until I moved to Miami, and found myself involved with a very munipulative, abusive person, that it made me really want to understand what was going on with me, that I was accepting this kind of behavior. I mean I was putting up with things that were sometimes so down right embarrasing that I wouldn't even tell my friends or family what was going on. I started really praying for God to help me through this situation, and help me to love me, because the logical part of my mind, knew that the relationship that I was in wasn't healthy, but the irrational part of me was deeply attracted to this person, and I had to find out why. During this time I read a really great book that was instrumental in helping me to help myself to discover what was going on. That book was In The Meantime by Inyala Vanzant.

In her book she stated just what I am discussing with you today, and that is that you attract who you are. At first I rejected that, because I was a nice, sweet, kind person, and I couldn't see how I was anything like this man, who had to be related to the devil in some fashion or form. What I realized is that I was desperate to have attention, didn't have self esteem,didn't know how to set boundries or limits, and that along the way I had believed that there were no good men left, and so I had to take what I could get( The atleast I have a man attitude). This left me open to attract men, and women, who were users, and abusers, who also suffered from low self-esteem. Also with me being abused as a child and my family history of drug and alchol abuse, even though I didn't do drugs or drink, I would manage to attract men who were drug abusers or alcholics, or both.

All my life, even when I was a child, people would try to take advantage of me. Borrow money, not pay it back, lie, cheat , steal from me, you name it, it happened. Somewhere in life I lost my power, my voice to say NO,I won't allow you to treat me like that! I love ME, I think I'm worthy, and beautiful, and a child of God, and I deserve to be treated with respect. When I realized that, I set out on a mission to heal my heart, to heal my subconcious mind, so that I would emmit an energy that would naturally attract like minded, spirited people. With God
s help, I have learned how to recalim my power, stand up to people( because people will still try you),and I have noticed that the people that I attract are different. I am married now, but when I was dating I noticed that when I changed my thoughts about myself, and men, I started attracting men with JOBS, not on drugs, that were for the most part normal.

One thing you must realize, until you stop to heal you, love you, you WILL keep attracting the same people and situations until you GET the life lesson that is being presented to you. What I have noticed in life, is that most people go through this physical existence unconcious, they go through the motions of living. They go through the same experiences over and over, sometimes without a second thought. Sometimes people go through there whole lives without growing conciously, spiritualy, and they die, broken spirited, broken hearted people, because they never took the time to try to understand that life lessons were trying to pusch them into their fullest potential. I decided a few years ago, I decided to live like conciously, knowing that whenever I was presented with circumstances or people who didn't fit into my "dream" life, that I needed to stop, pray, observe, and learn, what it was that God was trying to teach me about me, so that I could/can quickly move on.

If you find yourself on an unpleasent merry-go-round I challenge you to stop and pray, meditate, on why this could be happening. What you may need to learn in order not to repeat the negative experiences. You can have the life that you want, it will take work (I'm still working at it), but it is a reachable goal. Live conciously!