Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Why You Can't Get Married

Seems like sooooo many women are having man problems. Men afraid of commitment, men that have five girlfriends at the same time, men living with a woman for years on end with marriage nowhere in sight. And the question is why? I truly believe that women have more control over this situation than most think they have.

Conventional advice in magazines like Glamour and Cosmopolitan will have you thinking to get a man, all you have to do is bend over backwards (literally and physically), and be the ultimate sex goddess in order to get and keep a man. Be flirty and you're sure to grab the man of your dreams attention. I mean honestly, now days a woman will give a man sex and he doesn't even have to buy her a Happy Meal from McDonald's. Even with all this advice about being an independent sex goddess, women are still single and trying to figure things out.

I think that conventional modern dating is the reason why women are finding themselves single, and that perhaps the wisdom and ways of old will find women feeling worthy and headed down the alter (more frequently) again. I mean think about it, back in the day our grandmother's and great-grand mothers didn't have a problem getting a husband and it was mostly due to the fact that people "courted" not dated, families were involved, and the women weren't had higher standards, weren't  giving up sex to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that got her excited, and weren't out chasing  the men.

Maybe you think I'm old fashioned, and overly opinionated, but the statistics speak for themselves. I would love to see a return to old fashion courtship, were parents advice (which is usually right), is taken into serious consideration, and "dates" were the kind that were planned and thought out, and didn't end with being in bed with a complete stranger.

As you all know, I am Muslim. In Islam boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are not permissible, yet getting married is very important, and highly advisable. People get to know each other, by chaperoned visits, or outings (usually the father, older brother, or another person who knows the woman very well, and has her best interest in mind). A woman has her full rights, and should never be forced to marry someone she doesn't want to according to Islamic rule (sadly this happens in some countries today). Ironically, these marriages have a higher success rate, than those who went the whole I met him at a bar route.

I would love to hear from those of you who ditched traditional, modern dating, and found your dream guy by way of courtship or other forms of non traditional match making. Share your story of how this can work in the modern world, for the modern woman.

My earnest prayer is that each and every woman feel worthy again. Worthy of love,  and understanding her worth. May Allah make every woman feel worthy again ....Ameen.


  1. To be fair, our grandparents generation was a bit different in that women then needed men for financial support. We have the luxury of being picky and waiting for the right man, and this is a wonderful thing.

    Also consider in Western society men tend to marry women closer their age than in eastern society - so surely men in Western society aren't ready for marriage in their twenties or early thirties.

    Women in Western society don't stand a chance dating Western men long_term if they won't have sex. It's idealistic to expect an entire society to change by choice - what motivation do men have to change the current ways? Basically women need to court with men from the eastern society if they want something different, but parents of Eastern men often won't bless a marriage to a Western girl especially if she is a virgin.

    The problem is clearly more complex than simply going back to courting.

  2. Yes! I love your candor in this article. In so many conversations I've had with women, the pressure of "doing" or "being" what he likes always comes up and seems to weigh heavy on women. As Muslim women too, some of us completely abandon who Allah has ordered us to be for the sake of some Joe Shmoe! The fact is, by maintaining the standards set out, having the family involved, etc, tells the guy from the beginning that to deal with me is a serious thing. No flings, no just having fun, no we will see where it goes! The standards aren't just for the girl, but the guy too! I will stop my rant here, but this was great!

  3. I'm a Christian and agree 100%.

  4. I totally agree with this sister, well said! xo


  5. I will agree with this and poster deserves thanks for this